Let’s talk about anger. It can feel really unpleasant, like a hit of adrenaline, overwhelming, intense. I’m not talking about hurtful violence or aggression or abuse, I’m talking about that body shaking heart racing quick flare of rage, that sudden burst and feeling of anger rising within.
We’re human, and we’re going to feel all the feels! And like all feelings and emotions, I believe anger can be a great teacher, an indicator of something that doesn’t feel right for you in that moment. Maybe a boundary was just crossed, an injustice occurred, or some unexpressed fear has revealed itself.
Anger is something you feel. It’s not who you are and doesn’t define who you are. When you have a chance to observe it, you then have a chance to reveal what truth lies beneath it.
To clarify the difference between anger and rage, Mel Robbins says this:
“Anger is a feeling you are having right now.
Rage is a reaction to issues from your past that are unresolved.
Both are usually the tip of the iceberg and masking something deeper”.
Have a look at the anger iceberg I’ve put in with this post. Have a look at what is sitting underneath the “tip of the iceberg”, does this surprise you? Last time you felt angry, what would have been the underneath feeling for you? Was it a how dare you? Did you need to speak about a boundary that was crossed or, was it a long sitting unaddressed issue raising its hand for your attention? Either way, we all know speaking angry words right in the heat of the moment doesn’t always go so well, I know it hasn’t for me in the past!
So what can you do to get you to the place to be able to look underneath the “anger iceberg”? Next time you feel the rage, the anger, bubbling up and ready to spill, if you can:
🔅use the 5 second rule – take a breath before you take action – give yourself a minute
🔅stop to consider why you’re angry
🔅be honest with the core emotions and feelings you feel beneath the surface
Let it serve you. Let it show you what is needed. Let it encourage you to take action either to speak up for yourself, or make changes you feel are necessary to heal the once hidden emotion under the iceberg.
