If you knew me yesterday

The other day I walked past someone I used to know many years ago … she kinda looked at me funny and it got me thinking.

Growth happens on the inside where no one can see you do it. Days or years go by and someone from your past may recognise you from the outside, but they’ll remember the you you used to be. They can’t see the growth and changes just from a quick glance. And neither can you for them.

There’s a saying “if you knew me yesterday, you don’t know me anymore. I grow daily”. While parts of us may stay the same, enough for someone to recognise us or say you haven’t changed a bit, there’ll be so much more growth that’s happened that the person they used to know, no longer exists.

We all have parts of our lives where we wish we knew what we know now. Where we may have interacted with someone in a way we never would today. So let the person you used to know look at you funny while you wave hello. Maybe your connection back then wasn’t so great? Maybe you weren’t healed enough to be present, kind, tolerant etc. Maybe they weren’t either and they’re wondering why you’re waving at them.

If you have a moment like that, send love and kindness to that version of you, to that version of them and to who you both are now. Love finds a way to make peace where words can’t always be spoken. Grace, humility and truth. Then let go so the you you’ve become and are becoming can always continue to grow.

Surrender vs Giving Up

I don’t know about you but sometimes I “have a moment”. I think we all have them. And when I have my well earned pity party (**see below) – I sometimes hear myself speak the words, I give up. Because that’s what you blurt out when you’re overcome with all the emotions at once/major event is happening/you’re menopausal/struggling/crying/life is feeling hard. It all feels too big and maybe you’re spiralling and, “it’s too hard I give up” finds it’s way past your conscious gates of wisdom.

And then maybe one of those words finds its way to the more present part of you, and you quickly catch yourself and say out loud, “I don’t give up but I sure do surrender”. Last time it happened to me I surrendered to what was and is, to all the pain I was feeling, real and imagined, and gave it my full attention. And I just sat there. And gave it a voice.

And acceptance came. Then peace. Then that feeling of being fully here, fully present, lighter and determined. Then the toolbox full of life’s wisdom shone brighter and I picked the one for that moment. And there I was. I noticed it lasted a few hours at most.. a few hours out of 24. And gently gently I treaded softly for a little while after.

I call these moments the gift of the pity party and the gift of surrender. Because neither is giving up. They are both incredible tools for navigating difficult times and finding the light on your path where you step sure footed in your life.

And for those who don’t know what a pity party is:
A pity party is where no one is invited but you. It’s a moment where you allow yourself to wallow in all your pain but, only for a moment. It’s a party after all. A start and end time so life goes back to being full of potential after it

I wish all of us moments of surrender, where we can find our inner strength and wisdom once more, to step so damn bravely into a world that can feel so damn hard at times. It helps us find those beautiful glimmers, those bountiful gifts of all the good life has to offer too.

🍂Artwork by Brendan Monroe

In transit

Many years ago I worked in a retail store and warehouse, and when stock was on its way its was called “GIT or goods-in-transit”. It showed up on the books as neither here nor there. It showed where it came from and where it was heading but it wasn’t “anywhere” at that moment. And if we were doing a stocktake, it still had value and had to be accounted for. 

See I think sometimes we are all goods in transit. Especially when consciously doing that inner work. We can feel like we’re neither here nor there, not lost per se, just not where we were and not quite where we’re heading. But we’re somewhere – here. 

Next time you’re feeling that not sure where you are stage, maybe rephrase it to  – I’m in transit. You’re travelling into your own expansiveness and that has so much value 🌟

How we all doing? 

I thought I’d share my inner musings with you because maybe your brain works the same way as mine. 

How often do you pause before you speak? How many times have you stood outside yourself and watched as you spoke immediately whatever it was you thought and then shrink back inside yourself because – nooooooo I didn’t want to say that!!!! 

There’s my hand going up hahaaa! And for me it’s always more than a couple of reasons. One is I’m in my head not my heart. And that goes for both the recipient of my words and me speaking it. Others are anxiety. Overwhelm. Discomfort. Energetic boundaries. Crossed boundaries. Wounded conversation. So many things right? 

First thing I do is pour a bucket of kindness over my head when I’ve had my oh shit I didn’t want to say that moment. Next is a whole lot of whatever I need. I observe if someone has seemed triggered by my words – I take a look at myself and check in. Was I speaking for them or for me? We are all responsible for our own responses – and actions. 

I look at why I feel what I’m feeling. Did I speak or act from an old pattern of anxiety and not enoughness? Was I overwhelmed and just had a case of the old verbal diarrhoea to ease my discomfort? Did I feel uncomfortable with people I thought I should be comfortable with and overcompensate? Did I overshare because I have an open heart and forgot not everyone is my true friend? 

And another thing I did recently …. Well we all know I’m a talker for a living right, I’m a counsellor and energy therapist and sometimes? I forget my loved ones just wanna offload and not be therapised AND I forget – as one of my beautiful friends reminded me just recently – that I don’t always know what I think I know especially when I run from my head not my heart. 

Another friend gave me priceless advice when I was feeling overwhelmed and upset and a little lost about my often conversational discomfort. She said, ask the question – do you want me to just listen, give advice or do something? And I want to add in here – or just comfort with a hug.

So many things right? And I’ve felt and still sometimes feel and do alllll the above. We’re human and forget these things at times. 

This is a loving reminder to just breathe. Yes take a look at yourself if you need to. Give yourself a hug and don’t hang on to shame or annoyance if you’ve done any of the above. As Maya Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” 

And please know there are layers to this quote. We can have awareness of who and where we are in any moment. Recognise an oh shit moment. And through our woundedness we just might do it again. Healing is in layers. So is knowing better and doing better. 

Be kind to yourself. You really are doing the best you can with what you know at the time. And that really is enough 🤍

Authenticity

I was talking to a beautiful soul this morning, and we were sharing thoughts and feelings about being authentic and healing and those feel like crap days too. 

We saw a reel about someone saying to “just be authentic” and it got me thinking. It’s not always easy is it? I’ve found that it takes a shit tonne of healing so we can tune in to our own authenticity. If you’ve lived with pain and hurt and trauma, you may not even recognise what your authentic self is. Or even if you do? You don’t know how to be that because the wounds make fear louder than what letting go of the pain is. 

We feel the tiredness of the body and soul and it can be the tiredness of not being able to be your authentic self. But please don’t give up on yourself if you don’t know what it’s like to live authentically – yet. Heal. Just keep the healing flowing and layer by layer your authentic self feels free to be brighter than all the crap that’s been piled on you ✨

The Gifts of Healing

Oh gosh what a beautiful insight into the gift of healing. This has been the most wonderful blessing for me in my own healing, and also witnessing the same for my beautiful clients.

Healing brings the gift of not reacting from a place of stored pain, anger, fear, distrust and woundedness, and instead, responding from a well of self-understanding, self-compassion and awareness.

The words you hear, including those you speak or think to yourself, take on a whole new meaning when you hear it from a place of healing not hurting.

Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. I know healing can be hard, feel overwhelming, sometimes seem impossible. Just keep taking your next best step. It doesn’t have to be big. The smallest changes can make the biggest impacts and every single thing you do to heal those wounds, makes a difference.

Do what you can with what you have

I was a single mum for quite a lot of years and this philosophy served me well! Especially around Christmas! I barely had enough money for the day to day let alone Christmas celebrations and the expectation of extra celebratory food or gifts etc. So…

I baked cookies. For everyone. I 2nd hand and $2 shopped for jars and put cookies in them, tied ribbon around the top and everyone, and I mean everyone, got cookies for quite a few years! My friends and loved ones loved them!

Do what you can with what you have with where you are. I had flour and butter and eggs and sugar and the capacity to bake. That was where I was at. I felt a bit embarrassed that that was all I could give but then I realised …. that it WAS enough and I was and am enough.

This season can get way out of hand – all for the sake of one day – and the pressure can feel enormous. Make it your own. Make your own way of celebrating. Do what you can with what you have. And sometimes that’s a great big bucket of love and joy – which is the best gift ever.

Healing

“I just want to feel better. I want peace. I want to know who I am without this pain”. These are the words I spoke to my mentor 20 years ago. He looked me in the eyes and said “I can help you with that, but you’ll need to work hard. You’ll want to quit but that’s when the magic starts to happen”. I sure did want to quit, more times than I can count!

Healing IS a choice. You choose it over and over again. Shifts happen all the time. Life happens every day. As the saying goes healing is not linear. It moves with you. As you learn, grow, experience life, healing grows with you.

Healing doesn’t mean perfection. It doesn’t always mean free of physical conditions either – it can, but not always. Healing is the soul work. It’s knowing who you are, loving all the parts of you, feeling grounded and feeling inner peace.

Keep making the choice. It’s so worth it. You’re worth it 🌻

Forgiving yourself

Many years ago I rocked up to the door of a man who would become my mentor. And when he asked me, what are you wanting to know today? I broke down and said, everything is wrong. I am wrong. I keep screwing everything up. My marriage has failed. My health is screwed. I feel angry and scared all the time and I’m gonna stuff my child up if I don’t sort my shit out!

He looked at me and said, here’s a piece of paper I want you to write this down. “I have always done the best I could with what I knew at the time of the doing”. To which I argued no I haven’t look at my life! To which he said, tell me about your life. 

When I did, many visits and homework by me as well, I realised I was the sum of my experiences and passed down beliefs, but, if I could throw a dose of kindness and forgiveness MY way, maybe I could see that I really had done my best and always will. 

I know it’s hard to do. I know it won’t always feel true. But please, cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself for what you feel you need to and then, step forward into the new. Repeat where necessary until every cell and fibre of your being believes it’s true. It’s worth it. 

You are worth it. 

**if you are a person who has lived through abuse or trauma, I am NOT suggesting you can apply this toward your abuser. I personally have not forgiven my abuser and that was part of my healing! I’m talking about your own healing. Because you deserve to be free of the pain you carry**

#lettinggo #youareworthit 

I think this is a truth for everyone. 

Life in general. Grief. Chronic health conditions. Mental health issues. A million other things life brings to your door…

We really are doing our best and it really is good enough! 

Amongst the yo-yo of life, one thing we often forget is to bring compassion and love to our not so great days, our suffering, our pain. We are so quick to blame!! “If I, I should have, I knew that and if, I could’ve would’ve should’ve”, you know the phrases? I’ve used them myself. 

It’s a very human response – blame and anger, shame and guilt – to very human experiences. They’re going to happen! And when they do. Let yourself see it and feel it. Then say thanks. I see you. And, I’m now going to love myself, be kind to myself, be compassionate and forgiving. Because I also know:

I am doing my best and that truly is good enough. 

Give yourself permission to be kind and loving to yourself through the ups AND the downs. Just like you would to someone you love 💗 

#self-compassion #kindness #loveallofyou #energyhealing #holisticcounsellor #balance #yinyang