The art of saying no

Ever been asked a question and felt your body say no immediately, but your mouth say yes? I have. Especially in my people pleasing years! Today? Sometimes I can feel that resistance of the no and the wobble where I almost say yes. Sometimes all the feels hit and I hear the yes come out and then I feel pissed off at myself cause I know it was a no! Mostly I lean into a pause first before I speak.

That pause gifts you the intellectual moment of processing what the body so clearly is communicating, so the mind & mouth can honour the truth of your no.

I know it’s uncomfortable to say no if you’re not used to it. There’s a bucket load of reasons for the discomfort and I’ve felt them all! And I can tell you that with awareness and healing work, it gets better! Old stories and painful expectations soften, and your no voice gets stronger and more free to speak when it’s needed.

I know the pretty picture says not to over explain and just say no. I also know how hard it is to get to that place if you’ve been a yes person. So. Here’s some helpful ways of saying no along your journey of a simple, no:

• No (no is a complete sentence).
• I really appreciate you asking me, but my answer is no.
• I’m going to say no for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.
• I’m honored that you would ask me, but my answer is no.
• No, I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do …
• I just don’t have that to give right now.
• I want to, but I’m unable to.
• I’m not able to commit to that right now.

The body keeps the score. And the body is always sending signals to you. Pause, tune in, and honour it with words. With time and practice of doing this, what’s needed gets spoken.

Much love, Adele ❤️