How we all doing? 

I thought I’d share my inner musings with you because maybe your brain works the same way as mine. 

How often do you pause before you speak? How many times have you stood outside yourself and watched as you spoke immediately whatever it was you thought and then shrink back inside yourself because – nooooooo I didn’t want to say that!!!! 

There’s my hand going up hahaaa! And for me it’s always more than a couple of reasons. One is I’m in my head not my heart. And that goes for both the recipient of my words and me speaking it. Others are anxiety. Overwhelm. Discomfort. Energetic boundaries. Crossed boundaries. Wounded conversation. So many things right? 

First thing I do is pour a bucket of kindness over my head when I’ve had my oh shit I didn’t want to say that moment. Next is a whole lot of whatever I need. I observe if someone has seemed triggered by my words – I take a look at myself and check in. Was I speaking for them or for me? We are all responsible for our own responses – and actions. 

I look at why I feel what I’m feeling. Did I speak or act from an old pattern of anxiety and not enoughness? Was I overwhelmed and just had a case of the old verbal diarrhoea to ease my discomfort? Did I feel uncomfortable with people I thought I should be comfortable with and overcompensate? Did I overshare because I have an open heart and forgot not everyone is my true friend? 

And another thing I did recently …. Well we all know I’m a talker for a living right, I’m a counsellor and energy therapist and sometimes? I forget my loved ones just wanna offload and not be therapised AND I forget – as one of my beautiful friends reminded me just recently – that I don’t always know what I think I know especially when I run from my head not my heart. 

Another friend gave me priceless advice when I was feeling overwhelmed and upset and a little lost about my often conversational discomfort. She said, ask the question – do you want me to just listen, give advice or do something? And I want to add in here – or just comfort with a hug.

So many things right? And I’ve felt and still sometimes feel and do alllll the above. We’re human and forget these things at times. 

This is a loving reminder to just breathe. Yes take a look at yourself if you need to. Give yourself a hug and don’t hang on to shame or annoyance if you’ve done any of the above. As Maya Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” 

And please know there are layers to this quote. We can have awareness of who and where we are in any moment. Recognise an oh shit moment. And through our woundedness we just might do it again. Healing is in layers. So is knowing better and doing better. 

Be kind to yourself. You really are doing the best you can with what you know at the time. And that really is enough 🤍

Part time boundary setter 

I’ve been discussing and focusing on boundaries a lot lately. I know it’s something I can still struggle with at times, and have struggled with most of my life. Wanting to not hurt others but also not wanting to be hurt or be treated badly by others. 

When you’ve been through betrayal, trauma, or just simply have not been taught or shown, boundary setting is hard! I went super hard at it when I first got a taste and kinda went too far! Then I pulled back and kinda went too far the other way lol. Put boundaries in but be firm but nice and loving and kind but speak up and don’t be afraid to be fierce! It got confusing!

Even with all the above I kept working on setting healthy boundaries, I’d fall 7 times and get back up the 8th. Having a chat with a friend today I realised I’ve been in the land of part time boundaries. And I’ve now stepped in to it being full time. And it feels great!! It’s uncomfortable here and there but so damn good for me!! 

Remember, boundaries aren’t for others, THEY ARE FOR YOU. They are to protect your “good feeling emotions”. This is the gift of healing. It helps you know your worth, your values, your light, and gives you the voice to speak what’s needed for inner peace and a healthy life. I cannot stress enough, you have to know your values and your worth for your boundaries to be known to you, to put them in place. 

As Gabby Bernstein says here:

I am kind and loving toward others while creating CLEAR BOUNDARIES that protect my good feeling emotions.