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Doing inner work is a wonderful gift!!! When you put the effort in and make those changes, life is just, different.

One thing I’ve noticed and I’ve seen it happen with others as well, you find yourself seeing things not just in yourself, but also in people or relationships you may not have noticed before. When you remove old habits or beliefs, when you are healing from those inner wounds, you’re implementing new beliefs within yourself – AND within your existing relationships!!

If you find yourself noticing a behaviour within a friendship or relationship that was based on the old you, here’s some things to remember. One is, don’t be hard on yourself when you realise you’ve been or done things the new you would never allow, it’s gonna be a process to unravel what was to what is!

Next thing is, just as it has taken time for you to change those things in you, it will take a little time for those changes to flow on into your relationships. Those around you are getting to know and love this healthier version of you. They too, are doing their best until they know better.

With understanding and love, just as you took time to “know better then do better”, do your best to give those you love a chance to do the same while they meet the healed version of you

“Be grateful for your triggers, they point where you are not free” – Dolores Cannon

Triggers can be an absolute b**ch. There’s no sugar coating this one. They are uncomfortable, can be life changing, and can reveal a truth either about yourself or another person in your life you were not aware of. Mostly, they shine a big blinding light to an area of your life that needs compassionate awareness. 

Once you’ve figured out what the heck is going on after you’ve been triggered, guaranteed there’s going to be a lot of healing required. You may have lashed out at someone, you may have had an emotional breakdown (before the breakthrough), you may have ended a relationship/friendship because of it, you may have seen parts of yourself you really really dislike. As Dolores says, it will show you where you are not free. 

Whenever I’ve been triggered it’s shown me the unhealed parts of myself. It’s shown me where once I may have behaved a certain way to protect myself because of something from my past, it now no longer serves me and suddenly, someone else’s finger pointing becomes unacceptable. I now know my worth. It’s highlighted a value I didn’t have in place, that without someone ”pushing my buttons”, was not in my conscious awareness, was not fully activated, and that person just tried to cross a boundary that showed me is now there. It’s highlighted parts of my ego/personality that I truly truly dislike and now am ready to let go of. 

The biggest gifts I received from the last times I have been triggered:

*People saying all the right words but not backing it up – this was also in me (what we see in others is often in ourselves): say what you mean and mean what you say.

*People saying they’re speakers of truth but were really using words to wound others to make themselves feel better – this was not in me but it showed me that: my words need to be a truth, not my opinion. Being authentic. 

*I was accused of being inauthentic. This was true. I was deceiving myself and tolerating things that went against my values, or saying one thing but feeling another, but I wasn’t speaking up. It’s ok was coming out of my mouth, but it wasn’t ok: I learned what my values are and began honouring them. 

*I found the wounded vulnerable parts of myself I’d shared with a person wasn’t as sacred to them as it was to me – by way of having my words thrown back at me in a nasty way: Know and trust yourself well so you know who you can trust and share your vulnerabilities with.

*It showed I trusted more in others than in myself by baring my soul to them, asking them “what should I do?” because I had lost the art of listening to and trusting in my own inner wisdom. They knew more than me right? See above for the result this one: Understanding that my past hurts left me feeling like I’m not enough, forgiving myself for the times I gave my power away, again, and work on healing. Becoming my own secure and safe place within. Learning to trust my own voice!

*I learned that grief takes a really really long and winding road, which can carry its own wounds, all while intertwining with living life! It takes as long as it takes. We can be easily triggered when grief is raw. I gift myself compassion and kindness, I will not try to “fix” myself as I’m not broken, just wounded and hurting, so I lovingly hold myself while I navigate my way through the grief. 

These are just some of the things I’ve learned from being triggered. Is it uncomfortable? Yes! It’s also really empowering, freeing and enlightening. And it’s a part of life when you choose to grow and heal. Now when I’m triggered, I take a breath before I act out, check in with myself first. If I need to speak out then I do. If I recognise a part of me that needs my attention, I give it willingly and lovingly. Because on the other side of it all, the healing can be AWESOME! 

🤍please note – this is not relevant for severe or complex trauma or severe PTSD triggers. This is in relation to every day triggers – not trauma related. Complex trauma triggers need great care and support🤍

Procrastination is something I think we all fall prey to sometimes. I know at differing times I have been known to be extremely good at it😉

Some of the reasons we procrastinate can be:
•we lose our vision
•we haven’t figured out our why (super important)
•we get lost in the steps we need to take
•we have lost that purposeful feeling

So how do you find your purposeful feeling?

One of my mentors once said to me: “walk through life feeling purposeful instead of looking for a purpose”.

A few things that help you feel purposeful can be:
•self awareness – aligning your life with what you care about
•discovery – knowing who you are, your interests and what you care about, your passion in life
•knowing your why- your reasons for doing what you’re doing
•making a difference or acts of kindness

Ask yourself, what’s my why and what feeds my feelings of purpose? Kick procrastinations butt!!

Let’s talk zen meditation. It’s quick..it’s easy to do…and it can be done literally anywhere. Zen meditation uses your breath and your senses. Taking the focus off your thoughts and placing awareness on the present moment, it can bring a surprising amount of stillness and peace. It can help in the everyday tasks, in feelings of overwhelm, quieting the mind or just to enjoy it for it’s own “zen-ness”. 

You can do this while you’re cooking dinner, in the shower, sitting outside, walking to your bus – the list is endless! It can be as long or as short as you like.

Focus your attention on your breathing..feel the air as it slowly enters and leaves the body. Relax your mind. Acknowledge the moment. Notice your thoughts come and go. Bring your attention back to your breath. What can you hear? What can you smell? What can you feel by touch? Breathe.. 

Check out below for some quick tips on how to do it!

I’ve been reading and seeing a lot of posts lately, all referring to or having similar themes such as – letting go, moving on, uncomfortable growth, changes in jobs/relationships/health/wealth, unexpected difficulties or loss etc etc. 

So when I saw this really well worded explanation of “how to let go” (thanks ASHC for posting it!), I thought I’d share it for anyone who’s experiencing this current phase of growth and change in their life. 

Some say it’s part of the full moon, others say it’s a shift in universal and cosmic energy. I say whatever it is, honestly, it’s been a bit challenging!! 

Change is universal. Growth is universal. We are meant to evolve! Sometimes it’s absolutely joyous!  And sometimes it comes out of the blue and we need a bit of help letting it all go so we can find the joy we are so deserving to feel. 

Have a read and let it land where it needs and help you let go of what is weighing heavy in your heart and soul. 

How often do you have an inner dialogue that starts off after a bit of a random thought about a situation, but suddenly, it becomes a debilitating “truth”? For example, you’ve had to cancel plans with a friend and they seem ok about it, but, in your mind you start saying things like … “I bet they are mad at me” or, “I know they don’t like me anymore I can feel it”.

Our most powerful conversations happen within our own minds! If you find yourself going around in circles from a story you “told yourself”, why not try asking yourself these four questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective these 4 questions are at turning off the random fears and insecurities your thoughts have created, leading you to a more settled peaceful heart and mind. Give it a go. It takes practice, but it’s a helpful tool when overwhelm and uncertainty strike.

You can look into it further – the questions are from “The Work by Byron Katie”.

21st June 2021

Well isn’t this a can of worms hmmmm?

People talk about forgiveness like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do but honestly, I’ve found this to be the biggest speed bump in my own life. I mean, some things just seem unforgivable right? Some things are so incredibly painful and scarring, how do you forgive those?

I’ve talked to many people and read many books in my life asking and seeking how to truly forgive. I found many differing answers …. that I must forgive if I am to live a Christian life; that to be spiritual is to forgive all; everything happens for a reason so it’s ok whatever it was; you’re only ever given what you can handle; or, as it’s in the past so no longer part of your present, it must be forgiven for you to be able to live your life freely and honestly the list goes on and on.

What I’ve found by my own personal experience is this:

I am human.

No matter how long ago or recent the pain or act that occurred that “needs forgiving” occurred, I experienced it. And within that experience was an event or act that changed my life somehow. I need time to process that. And some things that happened in my life have been so big, that the person telling me that I need to forgive that or else, quite simply, made me just wanna tell them to F off.

Forgiveness, like all acts of conscious choices in healing, is a layered personal process. So I start with myself first. I decided that with some things that occurred I honestly can’t or don’t forgive that person …. yet. But what I will do is forgive myself for being unable to right now. Forgive myself for any behaviours I’m not proud of that may have been a direct consequence of that hurt. Show myself compassion and understanding as I take steps to heal wounds deeper than I wanted to experience.

I pick one small thing and I hold that moment close and I physically place my hands over my heart while I feel it, and I give myself permission to be ok with all that I have done to get through that pain. And I forgive myself, bit by bit. And then one day, when I feel ready, I take a look toward the event or person and see where my forgiveness level is with that. Rinse and repeat.

Deep wounds often leave you with a level of trauma or PTSD as it’s widely known. This is a whole other topic I will discuss at a later date, however, Gabor Mate says “trauma is not just something terrible happening to you, it’s the not having anyone to hear and protect you or keep you safe..trauma happens because you’re alone with your hurt”. So forgiveness, when you’re also living with PTSD from an event, is multi layered! And having someone speak platitudes to you albeit well-meaning, isn’t always helpful.

Our bodies store so much stuff on a cellular and sub-conscious level, all spectrums of the “good and bad”. Having all that inside of us on the emotional and spiritual level, all comes together to create your responses and reactions. So when you CHOOSE to heal, and face old hurts and wounds, you inadvertently face forgiveness or unforgiveness as well.

You have to choose to put the work in. One day you will surprise yourself and find it doesn’t hurt as much, or that it’s no longer a tangible pain but something that happened in your life. Is there forgiveness there yet? Maybe. Maybe not. Your job is to honour and heal your own wounds, and to recognise no matter what happened to you, you are only responsible for what happens next. Like all things that require healing, there are layers, it’s personal, and you’ll get there. Because you choose to.